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Sunday, September 23, 2012

In Which I Tumble Like A Snowball


It’s what we do daily…
Hubby calls as he heads home on his long commute…
he asks how the day went…I share a bit…then he shares about his day.
But this day was different…
As soon as he asks…the tears come…
All the angst came tumbling out of my heart…
I have been like a snowball tumbling down a hill…
gaining more speed as I go…gathering “stuff” as I roll.
The faster I descend the more stuff attaches itself to me…
I become heavier and heavier…rolling faster and faster…
my emotions can’t keep up any longer…my mind way ahead of reality…
and finally ….I crash into the wall.

With love and patience, my Husbands , both heavenly and earthly scoop me up…
hold me…let me cry…so I can find Grace again…
hold me…let me cry…reminding me how Loved I am…
because only with the presence of Grace and Love can we lay it all down…
can we find the abiding love of Christ…a love that can hold it all.

One by one I let go of the tight grip of guilt and shame and performance…
I let go of the expectations I held over myself…
in letting go, my vision starts to clear…
 Soon, my lack does not consume me…it no longer is all I can see.
I leave some failings at the foot of the cross…

But I must also eat some bitter fruit because of what I have planted.
Only now I see…this fruit is not God’s punishment…this is His love…
because in His love, He gives us freedom to choose …
We have the freedom to choose what we will plant…
and we have the freedom to choose to harvest from the planting.
Some harvesting is sweet…some is bitter…
but all can be eaten and digested to nourish us to greater strength.

I come again to the foot of the cross…where my spiritual amnesia is cured…
my vision is cleared…
the remedy is in the retina (Ann Voskamp)
No, many of the circumstances have not changed…
answer to burdens still wait…
but once again I am yoked with Christ…
burdens are lighter…He promises so…
and I continue to count…
all His graces to me.

“The practice of giving thanks...eucharisteo...this is the way we practice the presence of God, stay present to His presence, and it is always a practice of the eyes. We don't have to change what we see. Only the way we see.” Ann Voskamp

I continue counting....giving thanks...changing the way I see...not what I see.
Sweet gift of love...He even arranged them himself:)
“new brother”...son’s teammate taking the dish challenge...everyone who comes
has to guess the plate each child made for me a number of years ago.
Very few get it right:)
Sweet time with new and old friends...family fun together.

~4204~4218~
~new grandlove’s heartbeat
~daughter and I babysitting for a women’s bible study
~lunch with Dad
~YouTube…my gateway to the world…learning to jump a car.
~working through emotions…getting ironing done...God does redeem all things.
~a hubby who leaves a game to come home to be with me
~a hubby who listens with compassion
~beautiful flowers
~son bringing teammate home for dinner
~”adopting” him as part of the family
~friends…family…laughter together
~finding our new gear as a family of 3
~beautiful weather
~just days until I see Ellie…and of course her parents


    Join me here.... @Ann's,  Playdates, and Soli Deo GloriaGraceful,

52 comments:

  1. Yes, Ro.
    I must find that grace again, too, on a daily basis, even.
    Especially those days when I wake up on the wrong side of fear.
    Thank you for your honesty here.
    Your words are always so gentle.

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    1. Kelli...yes...daily grace...so much needed in our lives...thanks for stopping by...blessings as my you walk in all the grace He has for you today~

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  2. You know, I'm not sure that many husbands would be able to extend the grace that your husband extended to you, Ro. You have a sweet relationship and I'm thankful that you wrote about him and your loving Savior's grace as well here. Love the idea of "bitter" fruit. It reminds me of the bitter herbs the Children of Israel had to eat with the Passover meal. We all must eat the bitter in this life, but so glad that grace sweetens it all. Thanks, "sweet" friend!

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    1. Beth, yes...I have been truly blessed...part of me did not want to tell that part...I don’t want woman to feel bad if their husband’s aren’t as sensitive...but it was too much a part of the story...and really too much a part of my healing story...God has used my husband from the beginning...back when we were 15 to heal my heart. Oh yes...the sweetness of grace. blessings to you~

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  3. Wonderful list. Beautiful words! I love to read your posts. :)

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    1. Tammy...thanks for the kind words...so glad you stopped by~

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  4. so I can find Grace again....
    Ro, I loved this post as always.
    letting go of my own expectations is something He's really been working on me as of late. Confession: I didn't even know all the expectations I had until He showed me!

    Loved your YouTube thanks ;) made me smile. So did the heartbeat! Congrats!

    All for Him with hugs to you,
    Nikki

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    1. Nikki...oh yes...it takes Him sending His Spirit so we can really see ourselves...and so we can see it through His grace...OH YouTube and google save me:) and Praises for the new life:) thanks for dropping in~

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  5. Sometimes there are days like these :). Such grace--human and Divine--is such a gift.

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    1. laura...mine was days upon days...and not until I was tumbling fast did I realized my vision and mind had gone blank...human and Divine Grace are such a sweet gift. Thanks for taking the time to stop by~

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  6. What grace your husband is for you. And that amnesia, I have it too. Forgetting who I am, what I have, and where I'm headed. So exciting to hear the baby's heartbeat!

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    1. Christina...He has been a gift of grace to me since we were 15...God knew how much help I would need...so thankful for growing new life:) have a blessed day~

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  7. hmmmm... yes I know this well....painfully well.
    (just sitting with you...like a friend :) )
    sidenote... my brother and wife are expecting their first when your 2nd grand baby is expected.
    so we can do this happy thing together! lol.... I mean it's much more fun then the other, :)
    T

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    1. T...how exciting for you and your family...yes..we can celebrate the joy together:) blessings~

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  8. Giving thanks with you for your sweet husband, and our gracious God scooping you up in love, and for being able to leave it at the cross again...always happy to see your list of thanks and pics of your sweet family...blessings, my friend :)

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    1. Dolly...God’s Grace is so powerful...given through Divine and earthly love...thanks for stopping by~

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  9. Such a lovely thing ... your husband and your heavenly Father ... helping you to see again.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

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    1. glenda...yes...it was a sweet gift of grace...glad you stopped by~

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  10. Each day I pray, "Lord I ask for and receive your grace, sufficient for this day. Thank you. Amen." I can't live without his love, mercy and grace... They are my all in all for daily living. Wonderful! Have a great day :)

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    1. Kathleen...yea and amen to your words here...glad you stopped by...blessings~

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  11. Your words sang their way into my heart, seeing your husbands hold you, seeing the failed perfection and lifting of burdens as I shoulder my part of the yoke. Singing because I found I am not alone in my spiritual leader husband, my quest for perfection and the joy of yoking with Jesus. Beautiful.

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    1. Pamela...it is a blessing to have a husband who does come alongside to hold me up when I fall...and yes...this common tendency to us all...that quest for perfection...leaving us dry...until we are filled with His grace. thanks for taking the time to comment...blessings~

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  12. You have a beautiful way of putting the things we all feel at one time or another into words Ro. I've been there too. It is falling into the arms of grace that is the miracle. Thank you for this reminder.

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    1. Oh Linda...your words are so kind...thank-you...we are all cut from the same cloth...and all in need of the same grace...so glad to she you here...blessings~

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  13. Yes, a man who joins hands with our Father and holds us... oh, what a gift. Praying for you. Love the pictures of your game night! Wish I could jump in and play:)

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    1. Alicia...yes a blessing indeed...thanks so much and I wish you could come join us too:) blessings~

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  14. I like the way you count. You catalog graces with such beauty, my friend.

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    1. Jennifer, thank you...so thankful I have learned to count...that His grace opened my eyes to His love all around me. blessings to you my friend.

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  15. What an amazing list, my friend!!! 4000+ graces ~ incredible.

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    1. Stefanie...it seemed once I started I couldn’t stop...it’s been a great blessing to me...thanks for stopping by~

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  16. Love this, (((Ro))), how you are so authentic and vulnerable. I love that you don't try to say what you think you "ought" to say--you just write from your heart, the words and thoughts real. And there is redemption in your words, friend. Love the new heartbeat--oh beautiful. And your family is. so. cute, Ro. I feel the happiness and joy. Blessings, lovely friend. xo.

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    1. Nacole...your words are so kind...but i guess I really don’t know of another way to write...He is a redeeming God...I do hope His redemptive grace is felt here. love to you friend~

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  17. Yep, I've had a few of the snowball days lately too. Thanking God for our husbands, the way they love us, point us back to truth and wipe the snow off. Thankful for you too.

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    1. Shelly...we are blessed...it sounds like your husband has been a major source of your healing as well...God is so kind...Glad to see you here...blessings~

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  18. Love how you remind me of how, when we surrender, He helps us to see clearly, and His hope is more present for me, too. Thank you, sister. What tender blessings. All so beautiful.

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    1. Thanks Jennifer for stopping by~ and may we continue to live with Him in each moment~

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  19. Ro, I know of this. Don't we fall into the arms of our family and our Heavenly Father and don't they embrace us with tender care....and aren't we so grateful they are there. Thanking Him for his consistency even when things spiral and snowball and rock and pitch and toss. He is CONSTANT. love your heart here and your beautiful sharing....gift.

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    1. Elizabeth...I am so thankful He is constant...faithful and does provide His love through our families here too...so glad you stopped by...blessings~

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  20. Beautiful post. I've been counting for three years, and it is changing me.

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    1. Thanks elizabeth...counting has helped transform me too...blessings as we continue to count all His love and graces~

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  21. Your words pour out beautifully. I tumbled down the hill with you. In His Grace...we remain. ;)

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    1. Thanks for stopping by...and yes...in His grace we remain...so very thankful for this truth. blessings~

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  22. I love this! Thanks for sharing your heart...

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  23. Such a beautiful, passionate, and heartfelt post Ro. Snowball days! What an insightful analogy, and haven't we all had them! I'm struck by your reference to TWO husbands, the compassion you receive from both. And you give us all the remedy for snowball days...the Cross...where all snowballs melt as we bring those days to Him for redemption. THank you so much for your transparency in sharing! Love, Lynn

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    1. Lynn...thanks for dropping in...always a blessings to hear your rich words here...redemption...so thankful for His full redemption~

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    2. AMen, Ro. Amen!

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  24. oh girl, i love how both of your husbands held you during this fragile time... my heart aches for you, but i know how real this crashing is. and sometimes, how necessary. may you be filled with such strength and joy. love you.

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  25. Oh my, you write more beautifully each time I come here! You mentioning the retna and vision made me think of a quote I have. . .A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight." He replied: "Yes, losing your vision."

    I think you're vision is 20/20 ;)

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