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Friday, September 14, 2012

Dear Me

Dear me,
 I want you to know I understand the struggle to be at peace with who your are...
I know...
It’s hard to hit your growth spurt late… you, almost a foot shorter than your friends…you, who the boys pat on the head while they ask out your friends…you, still under 5ft tall…not even 100 lbs. soaking wet...
It’s hard when your body has the curves of a telephone pole…
It’s hard when all the other girls are wearing real bras and talking about ”Fred” coming to visit…
and nothing has yet shown up resembling any form of womanhood…
It’s hard to struggle in school…to know you are being left behind with each passing year
It’s hard not to believe the lie that you are dumb…
It’s hard not to cover up the struggle by laughing…telling yourself and others you don’t care…when deep down inside you really do...
It’s hard to hear friends talking about the different colleges they will go to…knowing that going to the state school on academic probation is your only hope.
It’s hard to never measure up to the expectations around you…
It’s hard when no matter what you do it is never enough…
It’s hard when you think so little of yourself…you push away the kindest guy in school…you tell him to date those “nice church” girls…
It’s hard to have so many things going for you on the outside… …cheerleader…sorority…friends…the best boy in school…but you walk around feeling so empty inside…

It’s hard not to start believing the lies…lies that lead to self-hatred…self-hatred that leads to a battle with anorexia…
It’s hard searching and longing for something when you don’t even know what it is…

Oh…. How I wish you knew right now how much God loves you…because when you truly know how much you are loved by Him, you walk in peace and freedom.  But don’t you worry…He is watching over you…He loves you and is guiding you…and one day you will see His fingerprints all over your life…

Until then just know…
You will grow 4 inches in college…and gain those pounds and curves that go along with late blooming.   “Fred “does come every month (until you start to starve yourself) and you will wonder why you wanted him so badly.  You do make it through academic probation and really hit your stride when you study what you love.

And that hunk in high school …  he does become your husband…even though the two of you would have been voted the most unlikely couple to get married. 

Most importantly…that deep longing…that missing piece…you find Him as well…His name is Jesus.  You will fall madly in love with Him…so much in Love that you are willing to lose everything to follow Him. 
If I could sing over you...this is what I would sing and I would tell you to bath in the truth of these words....
I can tell you that God comes and redeems all the pain…all the suffering…and with time You will know how much He loves you…that you are not less than...and you have value because you are His.  He will capture your heart and you will be willing to live a life that is no longer your own.

When you in your fifties you will be able to look and see God’s faithfulness through the many painful trials in your life…miscarriages, chronic illness, painful church splits to name a few…but you will also look back through the years and see God’s great kindness…a husband who loves you…5 children to love and raise…restored family relationship…and now grandloves to crown this season of life…I have just named a few of all the ways He Loves and blesses you.  You have a wonderful life ahead of you…thanks to His saving Grace.
 I am joining others at Chatting at the Sky in honor of her new book Graceful. She has asked us to write a letter to our teenage self and link- up at her place.  This is an interesting exercise... I encourage you to come and  write a letter to your teenage self and join up at Emily’s place

graceful for young women


  1. Oh, if only our grown up selves could have walked by our sides as teens! But God was and is and pulled us through didn't he?
    You wrote a beautiful letter and you have a beautiful family!
    I'm also joining Emily with a letter of my own. It was such a great idea.
    Blessings to you~
    ps. I never did get the curves, but it's ok ;)

    1. Kristin...yes...His guiding hand always there...gently leading us home...oh ...not many curves until much later in life:) blessings~

  2. I was a late bloomer too! I get it. It is amazing how different our lives turn out from what we imagine as kids and how different our life is once we find Him. Enjoy your beautiful family. You are truly blessed!

    1. Dana...I am thankful I could not see the future because without HIs Grace walking me/us through...we would crumble. I am so thankful and feel very blessings...thanks for stopping in...blessings~

  3. Ro, your letter brings me to tears and makes me smile, with joy, all at once. Oh, how beautiful this life is, in all its trials and hope. So grateful for your words here. They are such treasures. This has just got to make Him smile.

    1. Jennifer...thank you for your sweet words...it’s not a lovely thought to think of our lives bringing Him pleasure...still growing into this truth...my middle aged self:) hugs to you my friend~

  4. This makes me want to cry - it is so touching. What a beautiful picture of what Jesus can do in a life committed to Him. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    1. Linda...yes...He can redeem all...I am eternally grateful for His Grace. thanks for coming by~

  5. So beautiful, Ro! If only we believed the real truth we heard as teens we could have avoided so much pain. I agree with you on what an interesting exercise this was!

  6. This letter? Absolutely beautiful! So much hard stuff and struggle - but a God who redeems it all. Love this!

    1. Jamie...yes He does redeem them all...so thankful for His love...glad you stopped by~