/*URL: http://www.AllBlogTools.com/ */ .basictab{ padding: 3px 0; margin-left: 0; font: bold 12px Verdana; border-bottom: 1px solid gray; list-style-type: none; text-align: left; /*set to left, center, or right to align the menu as desired*/ } .basictab li{ display: inline; margin: 0; } .basictab li a{ text-decoration: none; padding: 3px 7px; margin-right: 3px; border: 1px solid gray; border-bottom: none; background-color: #f6ffd5; color: #2d2b2b; } .basictab li a:visited{ color: #2d2b2b; } .basictab li a:hover{ background-color: #DBFF6C; color: black; } .basictab li a:active{ color: black; } .basictab li.selected a{ /*selected tab effect*/ position: relative; top: 1px; padding-top: 4px; background-color: #DBFF6C; color: black; }

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Free Indeed.


Free Indeed
My emotions had been locked up since childhood…in my innocence I closed off part of  my feelings…willing myself to live “under control”…no anger…not realizing when you shut off one emotion...
you close down all emotions. 

As a result…I learned how to measure out my emotions…
how to self protect… 
my emotions could be measured on a flat line…
no extreme sorrow…no extreme joy…

Measuring my emotions robbed me of so much…I did not allow God to enter into the depth of my pain…so I could not experience the depth His healing… …in my self sufficiency I did not allow people into my suffering…robbing me from the healing God brings through His body…

But maybe what was robbed the most was joy….deep gratitude…overwhelming, exuberant thankfulness… I measured this out too…I self protected here as well…my thinking was twisted…If I hold back…not be too thankful…then when the seasons changed…I won’t be too disappointed…I even felt like I was doing God a favor …If I wasn’t too sad or wasn’t too happy…God would not look so schizophrenic …one minute bringing joy the next minute suffering…God would look like He was really in control of the universe…
I wanted my life to be measured on a flat line too...
and I wanted a predictable God.

 Freedom starting coming after the birth of my 4th child…I had been sick for years with lupus…but after His birth I was feeling better and better…I was so thankful…but I held back from really speaking of what He was doing in my body…I let questions steal…”What if I don’t continue to feel better?” Pride rob…I believed in healing…but to actually proclaim that God had healed me from an incurable disease…
that was a different story.
How would God look if the healing didn’t stick? ”
These questions and fears fleeced me…

With every virus... fear would creep back in…the enemy would whisper...here it comes…the questions would start all over. .”God what will my parents…Mark’s parents think?”….this won’t look good…I had shared with doctors…friends…now what?” God speaks into my spirit…”Who are you really concerned for…your reputation or Mine…I can use all things for my Glory…other people's reactions are not your concern…leave them to me.”  Something lifted that night…my pride was exposed…that night a burden was lifted… I was not responsible to present God in a way that made others feel comfortable…
or as a God that we can predict...
He is sovereign and all wise…His ways are not our ways...
 I was finding greater freedom from being in control of my life...
 and the world around me.

By God’s grace…this woman who lived emotionally locked up is being set free…free to feel deep sorrow…now not just for myself…but for others as well …and through Ann’s book..I now dare to live more fully…joy and thanksgiving have started to flow with ease…rejoicing not just for what God is doing in my life…but for others as well… learning how to really rejoice with those who rejoice…and weep with those who weep…I now know…I could not fully enter into these places with others until I allowed God to enter these places with me.

So today…and especially this Thanksgiving week….I REJOICE….JUMP FOR JOY….SHOUT FROM THE ROOF TOPS… for all I am so eternally thankful for.


I pray for each one led here...that you will continue to allow the Lord to unlock the prison doors...bringing freedom...and may His Love and Joy fill you today...
because....
If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36



~2320~2336


~feeling God order my day
~feeling God’s Grace
~changed heart with same circumstances
~listening to Ann’s keynote @ Relevant…powerful
~evening home….deep breath
~sweet baby shower invitations for Ellie and Amy
~Amy and Ellie both healthy
~still getting use to the precious words... grandmother…oh my
~seeing growth in a young struggling couple
~sunshine day
~God’s timing…talk with son…how it fits with what I was writing
~son thanking me for the talk and help
~seeing peace return
~Amy and Jared home for Thanksgiving
~God’s kind and merciful Grace.

Join me as I link-up with Ann and Jen.

10 comments:

  1. I always enjoy visiting here because you share your real heart. Thanks for opening those feelings and pouring them out. There is so much that I learn from the community here. Enjoyed your list as always!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sheesh blogger has been giving me so much trouble today when i have wanted to comment....
    When i read this especially the quotes about what will my parents think what will his parents think....I can totally relate...so much so that after reading it I felt i needed to hide out...just still all so fresh in my mind.
    Healing to you my friend.
    T

    ReplyDelete
  3. thank you so much for your kind words...always a blessing to know my struggles can help someone else...
    Blessings to you....

    T...is process started 17 yrs ago(I am a slow learner)...by God's grace my relationship with parents is richly blessed...I pray the same for you...as you continue to walk along side parents that God's redeeming power will transform...I still am amazed at what God did with mine:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. an evening home- deep breath- such a gift! with a house full of boys, I'm trying to breathe deep this week. Blessings to you from Uganda

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a beautiful testimony of God's work in your life. Sounds like He is healing you in body, soul and spirit!

    ReplyDelete
  6. josh and kelly...thanks for stopping by from Uganda...blessings to you...may you find deep breathes as you love those boys...

    Elizabeth...Yes..He is so faithful...have a blessed week.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love your honesty. Thanks so much for posting this!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Elizabeth...I guess that is the gift of age...I find it easier to live more honest...thanks for stopping by...

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is such a testimony to God working in a life and to God using a woman such as Ann. Thank you for your honesty. I pray God uses your honesty and heals your heart as you open up more and more

    ReplyDelete
  10. Shanda...thanks for dropping by...yes...so thankful for Ann...and He is so faithful...that birth was over 17 yrs ago...I feel like He is doing the fine tuning now...
    Blessings to you....

    ReplyDelete