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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

What does one do when waiting…waiting in the silence…waiting with desires…groanings…deep guttural sounds giving wordless expression to the ache…a deep expression to something that rumbles all pent up inside… when God is silent…when voices all around are silent… when words I long to hear don’t come…

In the waiting there is an echoing silence…a silence that shakes my soul…rattles me and loosens my grip…a silence so loud it is deafening.

I am waiting in emptiness…an emptiness longing to be filled.

But is this where greater freedom will come?  Is this the path I must travel? Is there another way? Deep inside the questions stir…is it here I gain greater freedom from my need of approval?...looking to others to affirm me…greater freedom from my sense of entitlement...what is”owed”me…greater freedom from my expectations...”expectation...another name for premeditated resentment”...greater freedom from wounds…more love to replace the bitterness and resentment.

I have been here before…where silence echoes…emptiness gnaws…when waiting drives me to premature action.  In times past, I have taken the process into my own hands…grabbing for the fruit before it takes full root in my life…how much stunted fruit lies rotting on the ground…bearing so little because it was too immature to give lasting nourishment…to sustain life.

So here in the silence…the emptiness…I wait…I choose to trust…trust in Love… Love that is preparing the soil for the receiving… the planting… the watering…the weeding… so fruit can ripen to fullness.

I choose to let the echoing silence become a chorous to be sung over me…my silent athem to freedom. I choose to let the gnawing draw me to the well…”all who hunger and thirst after righteousness will be filled.” 

In the waiting, I choose to learn to rest…to be held in His arms of Love…I choose to let my Master Gardner tend to the garden of my soul…because in due season I shall reap harvest …


"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."                                       Heb. 11:1






31 comments:

  1. Wow this was absolutly beautiful.. i love love love it. thanks for making waiting look beautiful!

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  2. Jenn...I am blessed by your comment...thanks for stopping by.
    Blessings~

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  3. Ah the waiting...and the ripening...and to cease the expectations, to cease the premeditated resentment...Thank you for your words today...

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  4. Jacque...thanks for stopping by and taking time to "speak"...
    Blessings~

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  5. It's rare....such beautiful writing, my friend. Your words are absolutely eloquent...seasoned with heart, feeling, passion....stirred by the very hand of God...and offered to us as a portion of His soul. Thank you!! So relate with every word. Just love...."I choose to let the gnawing draw me to the well". Powerful words my friend....just powerful!! Blessings ~ jen

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  6. let the echoing silence become a chorus...now that is a beautiful thought...thank youfor the smiles this brought in my own silence...

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  7. ”expectation...another name for premeditated resentment”. wow. i'll be chewing on that for some time. i truly appreciated your writing. thank you.

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  8. In the waiting...it's a hard place to be.

    ”expectation...another name for premeditated resentment”

    Choose to learn to rest. So difficult, but so good.

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  9. Jen...your kind words humble me....

    Brian...may we sing together...

    Hope...yes...that one has helped me release my grip over and over again...

    Lisa...learning to rest...sooo good

    Thank you all for stopping by and taking the time to comment...It blesses me:)

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  10. Thanks so much for stopping by my place today. I am no good at the waiting thing and can handle just about anything but uncertainty. It's been hard work for me, learning to wait, to relinquish control. I know what you mean about grasping for premature fruit. May you find grace and peace in the waiting. Blessings.

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  11. Nancy...thanks for stopping by too...may we both grow in the grace of waiting....
    Blessings

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  12. Powerful post! It paints such a vivid and true picture. Thanks for sharing.

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  13. Thanks for stopping by... look forward to dropping by your place.

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  14. Oh friend,
    I am seeing a season of silence and saddness everywhere ...and I am trying to understand.
    But know this...it's not just you.
    You are flanked with plenty of strong women trying to discern it all with you.
    T

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  15. "I choose to let the echoing silence become a chorous to be sung over me" - such a lovely thought and phrase! The whole post is beautiful. Thanks for your comment at my place. I'm glad I returned the call here. Grace and peace to you in Jesus.

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  16. T...may we stand in silence with a strong heart...waiting with confidence...in due season....

    Tinuviel...Thanks for your kind words and for stopping by...

    Blessings to you both...

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  17. Ohhh this is heart stirring . . . to wait in silence is hard, and I am one too, who is learning to let go of the control. Thank you for sharing. It touched my heart.

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  18. Silence: my silent anthem to freedom. I LOVE it

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  19. Thank you for stopping by my blog and for kind words. Your writing is raw and real. It reflects very much my own inner turmoil. I, too, try to wait in the silence. I look forward to following our blog and sharing our struggles. ~Theresa

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  20. Loni,Shanda and Theresa...thank you ladies for stopping by...God seems to want to teach many of us...in the silent places...grace to you...grace for all to let silent,waiting bring us to greater freedom.
    Blessings~

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  21. oh friend, this waiting, it's so hard, no? may he give you the strength you need... xo

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  22. This really spoke to me. I don't wait very well.

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  23. Thanks sweet emily....
    Mama zen...I am blessed this could speak to you...may we both grow in the waiting...
    blessings~

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  24. thanks for stopping by Cathy....

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  25. You express it perfectly. I have lived that - tired of waiting or just too excited and grab the fruit before it's ready - but with one of my sons, I have learned the importance of waiting, that some things cannot be rushed - and living faith that the answer will bloom a harvest - and all I ask is for God to be with me in the waiting!!!! You so blessed me!

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  26. Yes...learning to trust God's presence in the waiting...your words touch me...
    Blessings~

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  27. expectation...premeditated resentment.

    oh, how that stings. thank you for this beautiful meditation on waiting and trust. We must come with arms open when we bow before God...nothing do I own...only then can we be filled.

    Bless you in the waiting, dear sister.

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  28. Tonia...thanks for dropping by...empty to fill...yes my friend...
    Blessings in your waiting as well...

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  29. Ah Ro, you choose so wisely, even in the difficulty of waiting. Waiting can paralyze. Worship while you wait, praise while you wait, and lean hard on Him while you wait. And RO, I am really talking to me while talking to you because I have found waiting to be so hard. I am learning, I am learning slowly. I ache with you friend. So glad we are connected on FB. Bless you while you wait to hear clearly and distinctly from HiM.

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  30. Ro,
    This is a great post. Patience, waiting... those words have been on my mind and heart when I struggle through days of homeschooling our children.
    "In the waiting, I choose to learn to rest... [in Him]..."
    A perfect expression of what I hope to do more in the future.
    Love,
    Laura

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